Cultivating Balance Between Will And Surrender
The middle path requires an equal dose of personal drive and surrender. Said another way, cultivating balance is about knowing when to set an intention and create the desired result while simultaneously allowing the natural unfolding of life. As a driven person, it's been tough for me to surrender at times. I prefer to feel like I’m in the driver's seat making things happen. But ultimately, rigidity does not allow for the greatest happiness, and finding peace with the unexpected is vital for living an Inspired Life.
2020 has tested many of us, including myself. It has strained my systems, removed many of my resources, tested my patience, and caused me to reevaluate my beliefs. Over and over again I’ve had to ask myself, is this a moment to push or to release, to allow or to lean in?
Within A Swirling Sea Of Chaos
I was four months pregnant with my beloved first child when stay-at-home orders in my home state of Colorado were put into place. I was already going through and preparing for a major life transition when COVID-19 and the global pandemic, fires and hurricanes, racial unrest and injustice, and political divisiveness all struck. Not only were my personal systems being tested, but society as a whole was reaching its breaking point. I found myself, as I know so many others did too, evaluating my priorities and restructuring the details of my life.
My husband and I had just returned from Hawaii for our baby-moon when the pandemic craziness began to set in. I was already anticipating significant upheaval in my day-to-day life because of the baby and doing my best to create the support I needed for a fluid transition. In preparation for being a stay-at-home mom, while also continuing to run two businesses, I had found the perfect assistant. She was a trained doula and nanny. She could help with the birth process. She could help care for our baby, as well as take on business tasks, allowing me more time with our infant child while still pursuing my business goals. It was a well-thought-out plan and one I felt solid about. And, then in came COVID-19. Plan A had to be aborted, so I devised a Plan B, then C, then D…
At the height of the pandemic, I found myself comforting others with similar predicaments and offering the following advice: “Don’t try to plan more than three days ahead; too much is changing and it will create disappointment and waste your time to plan any further.” It was good advice, devised from clear thinking and direct experience, but I was well aware of and even tortured by its implications. I had a baby on the way and I needed to ensure that everything was in place, yet it was clear that we were heading into a vacuum of unpredictability. At times, I felt heightened anxiety and a sense of overwhelm, not to mention the swell of pregnancy hormones.
“Even the best thought-out plans can fall flat, causing feelings of chaos and unrest to ensue. We’re left in a space of trying to figure out what we can control, what is out of our control, and what to do next.”
If you’re struggling to find balance and experience some semblance of peace and ease while still moving forward with meaning and purpose in the midst of this current chaos, the following six tips can help. I can tell you, from both personal experiences and working with clients through this wild time, that these simple strategies really can help create stability and security when the world feels like a swirling sea of chaos and pandemonium.
Create Structure Amidst The Chaos
In uncertain times such as these, maintaining some semblance of structure and routine can be incredibly grounding, even if it looks different than it did before. This includes creating a daily calendar, meal plans, to-do lists, and making time to work out. But, remaining fluid and reevaluating your plan as major life circumstances shift is equally as important. I also highly recommend coordinating your plan with the people closest to you, creating a baked-in support and accountability system.
As we’ve entered into flu season and COVID-19 cases are on the rise once again, we really don’t know what is going to happen. Will stay-at-home orders be reinstated? Will children return to at-home learning, if they haven’t already? Will resources, such as the gym and movement studios, stay open or shut down again? Will we be able to see and spend time with loved ones?
It can be hard to make decisions and stay grounded and effective in the face of so much uncertainty.
“Even within all the chaos, it's important to remember that there are things that are in your control.“
Create a structure and routine that best supports the wellbeing of your family—as it is right now. Be creative and open to your structure looking different than it ever has. Test out various routines and adjust as the need arises. Build support and accountability in your plans by recruiting others to build it with you. And, if this feels impossible, it may be time to hire a coach to support you in the process.
Connect With Values, Priorities, And Set Reasonable Goals …
And Then Do It Again and Again …
When clients are experiencing upheaval, chaos, or in the midst of a major life transition, I often suggest they spend time connecting with their core values. What is most important to you? What values are unshakable? Times of crisis can often illuminate our “core values,” which can be deeply grounding and motivating.
When you allow your core values to guide you, it’s easier to cut through the uncertainty of changing times. With our core values top-of-hand, we can more readily assess the current state of our lives and choose our priorities and subsequent goals.
As someone who is highly goal-oriented and works diligently to take actions to support and reach my goals, I’ve realized more than ever throughout 2020 the importance of ensuring my goals are both consistent with my core values and appropriate for my current life circumstances. And, I’m careful to assess their continued relevance as circumstances shift.
Ask yourself, what is of the highest importance for you and your loved ones right now? Based on this, what goals can be reasonably accomplished now and in what amount of time? Be sure to put them in order of priority and assure you know what steps are needed to accomplish them. As always, access your first step so you can begin right away. Keeping a written list of your core values, your current top priorities and the subsequent action items somewhere visible that you can review daily can be extremely empowering. Keep a keen eye on whether major life changes shift the details, and be compassionate with yourself as they do.
At the height of the crisis, while I was extremely pregnant and it became clear that I was not going to have any hired assistance for the foreseeable future, my husband and I took time to consider our core values and our current top priorities. We even went so far as to think through and commit to alternative IF/ THEN paths with detailed contingency plans.
Taking the time to devise a strategy that honors the uncertainty of the future can be extremely grounding amidst the chaos.
Set Reasonable Expectations
The restrictions and health concerns put on us through this pandemic has made a lot of what we normally do and would like to do far more challenging, if not impossible. This pandemic threatens our safety, routines, sense of self, and, perhaps, even our survival. After taking time to connect with your values, priorities, and goals, take a moment to assess whether you’ve created reasonable expectations for yourself and those around you. If you used to create big and lofty monthly goals, consider breaking them up into smaller, bite-sized pieces that can be assigned to a week or even just a single day. While you may accomplish less over the course of the month, setting smaller, more realistic goals helps continue to move you forward and maintain a sense of accomplishment. It's a fool's errand to ignore reality. Times of crisis may require you to spend energy and time doing things you wouldn't normally choose. Setting reasonable expectations will prevent you from feeling hijacked when COVID-related issues—or anything else that is out of your control for that matter—arise.
Allow Yourself To Surrender To That Which You Cannot Control
Sometimes all we can do is to just be with what is. As a highly active person, I struggled during pregnancy when nerve pain made it too painful to engage in the physical activities that had once brought joy and deep meaning to my life. While health remained a top priority, protecting the wellbeing of my unborn child—while assuring I remained vital to care for her—shifted my short-term focus and invited me to surrender. Instead of setting specific fitness goals, I did a daily check-in with my body about what was truly best. Hardcore workouts shifted into gentle walks, stretching, and rest to maximize my overall vitality. It took shedding a few tears and mourning the temporary loss of something I love, but ultimately I surrendered to the change. As I adjusted and softened into this new way of living, I was greeted with an overwhelming sense of gratitude and grace. Instead of rigidly holding tight to the status quo and being disappointed on a daily basis, I accepted what was out of my control and benefited from the natural unfolding.
Applied to the pandemic and times of crisis, focus on what is available and find gratitude and grace for what arises as you surrender into the unknown. Allowing life's mystery to wash over you can have profound transformative qualities if you know how and when to let go.
Be Gentle With Yourself
Let me say that again: be gentle with yourself. We’re all in the throes of massive upheaval and uncertainty, with changes and restrictions requiring us to shift our schedules, priorities, and goals weekly, daily, and sometimes even hourly. These ever-changing processes can be difficult to digest. Give yourself time to relax, rest, and engage in self-care. Being gentle with yourself when making shifts, re-evaluating what is possible, and surrendering to what's out of your control, will leave you with the energy needed to act when the time is right, or the next step is clear.
Ask For Help
Our world has been completely changed. Throughout 2020, personally and collectively, we were all forced to re-access how we operate in and engage with our lives. Doing such requires a balance between will and surrender and a dance between the two that feels best for you. If you’re feeling especially overwhelmed or challenged, ask for help—whether that’s through your partner, a family member, a friend or a professional therapist or coach.
Be willing to dream big and stay in motion. We won’t be in this place of unrest forever. Continually taking action is important and vital to our success as people and a collective society. Yet, it’s also critical at times that we slow down, go with the flow rather than fight it, and honor what feels true and right for us and those we love in a given moment.
We simply do not know exactly what’s coming, whether through COVID-19 or in other aspects of our lives. Remaining centered and connected to what's most important to you and continuing to build the strongest, most resilient version of yourself is the single best investment you can make. Cultivating a balance between will and surrender helps to ensure a healthy, happy, and successful life, no matter what unexpected life events come your way.
As always, if you need support along the path, I am here to help. Sign up for our free Inspired Living Community newsletter, join the Inspired Living Insiders monthly subscription for a deeper dive, or work with me in One-On-One Coaching to engage in profound and highly transformative work.